John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
