Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
