I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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