he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize