I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
