I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize