i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
