Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize