Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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