We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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