if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
