need another drink. this is the easiest way
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
