i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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