happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
