I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
