I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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