Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
