You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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