Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize