I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
