You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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