I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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