So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry about my life...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
