she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
