YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i think i just lost a toe
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
