So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
