Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
