someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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