the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
