I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
