u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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