i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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