if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize