I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
