You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
