What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
