Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
