You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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