Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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