I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
