I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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