I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
