Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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