i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
