Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
