I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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