I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
