is your mom at the bar?
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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