this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
