i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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