we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
