u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
