so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
