Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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