sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
