Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
