hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
