What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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