Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
