Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
