This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
