I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
