My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
